Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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