If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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