Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
