the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
