I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
