remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
