i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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