I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
