she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
