I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
whose ass print is on the piano?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
