ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
