I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
