all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
