That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
