Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
