I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
