Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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