just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
