it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
