We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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