She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
my liver is dry heaving
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
