he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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