Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
