I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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