Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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