I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
