If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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