You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
