Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
