This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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