that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
