did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
