he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I need water and some morals
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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