Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
