You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
