I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
