We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
