I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
