I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
please don't ironically join a cult
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