Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
