Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
