Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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