you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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