Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
