WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
