this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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