Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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