Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
