This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
