he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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